Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. (hits tree) 
Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? 
 Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles.
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. 
 Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend!
And... my all time favorite:
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? 
 Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)
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